This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
