We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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