There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
