Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize