i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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