whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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