If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
