You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
