Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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