i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
