and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
