Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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