on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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