I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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