I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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