i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
