i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
