It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
