you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
