Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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