I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
