I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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