I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
