someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Randomize
