no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
