guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
