hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
