I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
