He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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