we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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