He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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