My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
