Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
