I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
