ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
