6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
