whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
