So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
