what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
