There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
