I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize