I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
