how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
