The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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