And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
