He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
