i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
