Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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