I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
