You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
