she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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