Please, let me fuck your mom
I looked at my own cervix.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
