i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
