I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
