if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize