In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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