Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
