sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
