Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
