Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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