My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
